Wednesday, October 24, 2012

So we meet again...

I have, yet again, been thrown back in the hated friendzone. I think.

It always goes like this. I meet boy. Me and boy talk...A LOT. I think a boy I like actually likes me back for once. Hopes smashed with a hammer when they either: straight out tell me they only like me as a friend, or start talking about other girls just like I'm another fucking dude.

WHY? WHY ME!? I know, for a fucking FACT, that I would be a great girlfriend. I don't need to know where you are every minute of every day. I don't even need daily contact for fucks sake, though it'd be nice. All I want, is a cute guy who can be both serious and silly with me. He needs to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with me. And, I just want him to cuddle with me if I so ask him to. I'm really not that picky...there are a lot of girls more picky than me. Unfortunately, I'm just not pretty enough to catch boy's eyes. I mean, I guess I'm cute in the face, but I'm not skinny enough for the guys that I always end up liking.

Gah. I am just in an absolute SHIT mood today. I always put my eggs in one boy basket that I'm SURE likes me back finally, then when I find out he doesn't (as it has always been at this point in my life), I die inside for a while. I'm in the dead inside portion. This has to happen before I recover.

Oh, god, I don't know how I'll be able to see him today. I guess I have to do what I always do when I'm sad: hide it. I'm really good at hiding it when I want to. So, yeah.

I'm just...I don't understand why. That's all I don't understand. I THOUGHT I'd presented myself to him in a romantic way. Apparently not enough.

Oh, another part of the "dead inside" portion-false hope. I keep telling myself that maybe he just likes her more than me, but he still likes me, and he just trusts me so he told me about it...
But then I'm like "NO. DON'T HURT YOURSELF." So I'm arguing with myself.

The day I met him was the day I started liking him. And the promise from others that he "liked me too" made that crush turn into something very close to being in love, and now...I'm just sad. Because I know that no matter how hard I try, I will always feel a bit of something close to love for him, whether we do end up dating, or (most likely) we do not.

Song of the day: "Teardrops on My Guitar" by Taylor Swift
Book/author of the day: There isn't one. Because all the books about unrequited love that I can think of ends up with the hero and the person they were lusting after together, or the hero of the novel ends up with someone else. Well, I'm not with him, and I'm still alone.

See you,
Miss M

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